The Marauders' Complex
by The Luna Complex
Summary: If a Marauder were to fill out one of those annoying Myspace surveys, how would it be done? One of my more crazier ideas. Now continued to include Harry's generation!
1. Prongs

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my hot chocolate and my adorable Hana Deka Club mug.**

**Explanation: I woke up this morning at six, as usual, and first thing I did was check my computer to see if we were off school. (We weren't, if you were wondering. Stupid retarded one-hour delays.) Anyway, as I was going back to bed to get my extra hour of sleep, a random thought hit my head. What would happen if the Marauders did one of those annoying Myspace survey things? So... here we are. Have fun.**

**::Prongs::**

**Hi, my name is:** James Henry Potter IV.

**But you can call me:** James. Unless you're Moony, Padfoot, or Wormtail. Then you can call me Prongs. But, otherwise, it's James. Or Potter. Or Pothead, if you're Lily.

**Never in my life have I: **Gone on a date with Lily Evans. I know, it doesn't sound so horrible to you, does it? Well, trust me. It is. I'm going to do it before I die... even if it means using, as Moony would say, "forceful methods."

**The one person who can drive me nuts is: **Lily Evans. I mean, how can one girl be so perfect? It drives me absolutely _insane_. There must be _something_ wrong with her! Trust me, I don't get frustrated easily, but Lily Evans is the one... wait. Padfoot's pretty good at driving me nuts, too. I mean, how many times can one guy bear with having to wake up every morning at six in the morning to Padfoot's incessant yapping and boundless energy? (I do realize I made him sound like a puppy right then. Trust me; you have no idea.) How can one person _have_ so much energy in the mornings? Add the rest of the day, for that matter. Jeesh.

**My school is: **Hogwarts? It's pretty great; especially since everyone practically worships the ground I walk on. Except Lily. It would be even greater if _she_ would worship the ground I walk on. It would make my life a little easier, you know?

**When I'm nervous: **James Potter, nervous? Pah. I'm invincible! Take that metaphorical audience!

**The last song I listened to was: **A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love. Don't ask... Padfoot was singing it.

**If I were to get married right now it would be to: **A certain red-haired green-eyed Gryffindor by the name of Lily Ann-Marie Evans.

**My hair is: **Messy. And very soft. Lily Evans just doesn't understand why I like to run my hands through it so much. Well, maybe if she tried doing it, she wouldn't be able to stop, either. Not that I would mind. Actually, I would very much appreciate Lily Evans running her fingers through my gorgeous hair.

**When I was 4: **I set the cat on fire. Poor Buttons. Oh, well. I think I did it a favor, anyway. I mean, I would set _myself_ on fire if I had a name like... Buttons. Luckily, I was a spoiled little kid, so all I had to do was cry and act sorry for myself and I got a licorice wand and some sugar quills. I love my life.

**Last Christmas: **I kissed Lily Evans under the mistletoe. She wasn't too happy about it. I'm pretty sure my face is permanently scarred.

**I should be: **Doing my Transfiguration essay. Oh, well. This is much more interesting. Old Minnie loves me, anyway. I'm sure she won't mind.

**When I look down I see: **My feet. They're very nice feet. I like to think so, anyway. Lily doesn't think so. She says I have "Oedipus feet". I have no idea what that means, though. Maybe I should ask Remus about that in the future.

**My happiest recent event was:** Lily smiled at me in Potions today. Actually, I think she may have been smiling at Remus. Damn it.

**By this time next year: **I'll get Lily to go out with me. I swear it. I swear on Snivelly's grave. Well... maybe that's not such a good example.

**My current gripe is: **What in the name of Merlin's left shoe is a "gripe"?

**I have a hard time understanding: **Lily Ann-Marie Evans. I don't understand how _anyone_ can resist the Potter charm. Seriously.

**If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:**Probably Padfoot. Brag to him about my superior skills. Then Lily Evans. Try to impress her with me extreme manliness. Of course, that doesn't usually work... but it's the thought that counts.

**I want to buy: **Lily Evans. Is that possible? I hope so. If it's not... then I'll just settle with that new Comet coming out next month.

**Where do you plan to visit: **Well, I do plan on going home for the holidays if that counts. Our family vacations are few and usually unplanned seeing as my parents are quite often busy with their work. I would like to visit Lily Evans' house, though. If only I knew where that was...

**If you spent the night at my house: **You'd probably get lost. My house _is_ rather large. I remember the first time Wormtail spent the night... left in the middle of the night to go find the bathroom and we didn't see him for a week. Poor Wormy. Says the experience was too horrible to talk about.

**The world could do without: **Snivelly. Unless you were planning to solve the world's oil crisis by collecting the oil dripping from his overly large nose. Honestly, what else is he good for?

**Most recent thing I've bought myself: **Dungbombs. Classic. I was thinking of setting them off in Filch's office. Old git.

**Most recent thing someone else bought me: **Chocolate Frogs. Good ol' Moony. He definitely comes in handy sometimes.

**My middle name is: **Henry. Didn't I already say that? Jeesh.

**In the morning I: **Woke up, put up with Sirius' incessant yapping and singing of "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love", went down to breakfast, asked Lily out, got rejected by Lily, and went to Potions. What fun.

**Last night I was: **Monthly affairs. Secret Marauder business I can't disclose in public.

**There's this guy I know who: **Thought it would be fun to try and slide down the railings on the Grand Staircase. It worked well and was quite entertaining... until the staircase decided to move. Then it was even more entertaining. Wait... that was just Padfoot. Never mind. Makes it all the more entertaining.

**If I was an animal I'd be a: **Stag. Hint the name "Prongs".

**A better name for me would be: **James Potter: Quidditch God and Sole Captor of the Lovely Lady Lily's Heart.

**Tomorrow I am: **Probably going to ask Lily out again.

**Tonight I am: **... See above.

**My birthday is: **March 27th. Remember it. It's a very special incredibly important date and should be celebrated worldwide.

**I got this survey from: **A random 2nd year girl came up and gave it to me. I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do with it... but I was bored and I felt like humoring her.

Darn... is that it? Oh well, time to go ask Lily out!

**A/N: Yeah. So, basically, I went online and found a random generic survey and filled out the answers. If you like it... I'll continue. If you don't... I'll resign myself to permanent depression and finish my stupid shuffle thing. It starts to get really suck-ish at the end because I left in the middle to go watch Driving Lessons with my friends. Rupert Grint movie, much? I would totally recommend it.**

**P.S. I still need chapbook suggestions ::wink wink::**

**P.P.S. I hate Myspace. I hate Facebook. I hate all those networking site things. Why do I do them? I'm forced to. Against my will. By my psychopathic friends. I apologize if I offended anyone.**


	2. Moony

**Disclaimer: Do you want to know why we're here? Long, long ago the dwarves and the dragons and inhabited the Earth. Well, one terrible day, a war broke out between the dwarves and the dragons. The dwarves had to use the power of natural selection to grow bigger in order to protect themselves against the dragons. Unfortunately, natural selection didn't favor the dragons and they all turned into lizards. But the point is, the dwarves grew and turned into humans. And if you believe that... I own Harry Potter.**

**Well, since we're on the subject of Internet annoyances... I thought I'd throw in the infamous chain letter. If anyone has any other particular Internet annoyances they'd like to add... feel free to tell me.**

"James! James Potter!"

James Potter, who had just failed miserably yet again in the attempt to "woo" miss Lily Evans and was quite busy walking away dejectedly, turned to face the culprit who invaded his personal brooding time.

It was that annoying little second-year who gave him that weird survey thing.

"James!"

The poor girl sounded desperate, so he stopped long enough to let her catch up to him.

"James! I almost forgot to tell you!"

"Tell me what?"

"You know that survey I gave you yesterday?" she panted.

"What about it?" James asked, hesitantly.

"You have to give it to someone else within twenty-four hours of filling it out or a clown will eat your dog."

"WHAT?"

"You have approximately six minutes. I'd advise running. Fast."

James Potter was terrified. In fact, he was so terrified, he didn't stop to wonder how in the name of Merlin's pants that little second-year knew the exact time of James' survey completion.

He began speeding as fast as he could to the Gryffindor common room.

* * *

"MOONY!" James Potter cried, seeing his friend relaxing in a couch in front of the common room fire. 

"MOONY! MOONY! MOONY! MOONY!"

"What is it, Prongs?" came the exasperated sigh of Remus Lupin, or "Moony".

"You have to fill this out," James panted, breathlessly, shoving the survey into his hands. He didn't stop to wonder what had happened to his previous writing or why he suddenly had it in his hands. Oh well, it was probably the evil dog-eating clown, anyway.

"...Why?"

"Because the clown will eat my dog!" And with that statement, Prongs ran off.

"But Prongs!" he called after him, "You don't even have a dog!" But, he was too late. The portrait had already swung shut.

Remus looked down at the crumpled piece of parchment in his hands.

_Oh, well, couldn't hurt to try._

**:Moony::**

**Hi, my name is:** Remus Lupin.

**But you can call me:** Um, Remus. But, my friends call me Moony. But, since you, Mr. Survey, are not one of my dear Marauder friends, you must call me... Remus.

**Never in my life have I: **Accidentally swallowed my fork. Trust me, it's possible. I've seen it happen on multiple occasions. I guess it comes with the territory of being a Marauder.

**The one person who can drive me nuts is: **My fellow Marauders do a right good job of "driving me nuts". Honestly, how many times can one man stand being woken up in the morning to Padfoot's absolutely abysmal singing and abundant cheer? And how many times can one man hear about Lily Evans' third eyelash before he throws himself off the Astronomy Tower? And how many times can one man hear Wormtail's incessant whining about how hungry he is without telling him to eat his face and shut up? Seriously, if they weren't so incredibly loyal to me, I'd wonder why I even bother.

**My school is: **The definition of drama. Trust me. And to think, I don't even live with girls. Oh, don't you worry, Padfoot and Prongs and quite good at being... dramatic. _Very_ dramatic.

**When I'm nervous: **I eat chocolate. I love chocolate. Chocolate solves everything. We could probably end world hunger with chocolate.

**The last song I listened to was: **I honestly have no idea. More than likely it was some Celestina Warbeck song Sirius was singing. He loves Celestina Warbeck. He just won't admit it.

**If I were to get married right now it would be to: **People of_my_ kind don't get married. No, I won't elaborate. Just in case some random kid finds this. Though, I don't have a dog, so I don't necessarily plan on passing this on to anyone.

**My hair is: **Plain. Boring. Sandy-brown. It's nothing special, honestly.

**When I was 4: **I'd rather not talk about what happened when I was four... That was a pretty bad year for me. Yet again, I don't care to elaborate.

**Last Christmas: **Padfoot set me on fire. Apparently he was trying to string me with lights and make me more "festive" but the spell backfired. I'll never forgive him for that.

**I should be: **Worrying about Prongs' mental health. It's not every day someone runs up to you and tells you to fill out a survey so that a clown doesn't eat his dog. Especially when he doesn't own a dog in the first place. Unless you count Padfoot.

**When I look down I see: **The table in which this particular piece of parchment just happens to be sitting on. My homework also happens to be sitting on that particular table. Bugger.

**My happiest recent event was:** I ate a chocolate frog today. It was absolutely delicious. It made my day a whole lot better.

**By this time next year: **I'll be in my last year of Hogwarts. Somehow that's a bit frightening. People like me don't get on well in the real world. At least I know my friends will be there for me.

**My current gripe is: **I'm stuck living with three morons who probably don't even know what "gripe" means.

**I have a hard time understanding: **Why I'm not allowed to eat chocolate in McGonagall's class. It helps me focus... honestly. Why do I have the feeling you don't believe me, metaphorical audience? It's true!

**If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: **I'm not sure... but definitely not Padfoot or Prongs. They'd tease the bloody Merlin out of me and then probably try to set fire to my award. Bloody pyromaniacs.

**I want to buy: **More chocolate. I like chocolate. It's brilliant.

**Where do you plan to visit: **I can't travel very much. I have a certain... condition.

**If you spent the night at my house: **I'd probably be a bit worried, seeing as I don't exactly know you, metaphorical audience. I'm going to check my closets when I get home.

**The world could do without: **Authoritarian dictatorial overbearing Transfiguration teachers who give you detentions for sneaking chocolate in the middle of a particularly boring speech.

**Most recent thing I've bought myself: **Chocolate from Honeydukes. Why do I have the feeling you're rolling your metaphorical eyes at me?

**Most recent thing someone else bought me: **Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans. I have to admit, I was disappointed. No chocolate flavored ones.

**My middle name is: **John. Nothing special. Remus John Lupin.

**In the morning I: **Nearly strangled Padfoot. Like I said, a guy can only take so much before he bashes someone's head through the annoying opinionated mirror in the bathroom. Two birds with one stone.

**Last night I was: **Studying in the library with Lily Evans. Don't tell Prongs, he might murder me in my sleep.

**There's this guy I know who: **Tried to jump off his broom to catch the snitch... and he wasn't even the seeker. His name's James Potter. I'm pretty sure you've heard of him. He was the one who ran up to me screaming that a clown was going to eat his dog if I didn't fill out this survey.

**If I was an animal I'd be a: **Puppy. It just seems so much less harmless than a... oops. Almost elaborated there. Remember the rules: no elaboration.

**A better name for me would be: **I'm actually quite partial to Moony. But, you, my metaphorical audience, can't call me that.

**Tomorrow I am: **Going to try to sneak chocolate past the tyrannical despotic autocratic Transfiguration teacher.

**Tonight I am: **Going to try not to fling myself off the astronomy tower. Celestina Warbeck's new album just came out. I fear for my poor eardrums.

**My birthday is: **March 10th. I hate my birthday. It's such a boring, non-special date.

**I got this survey from: **Prongs. As you already know. Hey... what's this random note scribbled at the bottom here that looks suspiciously like Prongs' handwriting?

_ATTENTION ANYONE WHO READS THIS PARCHMENT: YOUR DOG WILL GET EATEN BY A CLOWN AS YOU SLEEP IN YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS._

_Love, Prongs._

**A/N: Thank you everyone so much for all the positive feedback! I wasn't expecting it! So, my wonderful readers, should I let Moony continue the chain letter, or will he suffer the dire consequences? Tell me in a review. :)**

** P.S. Thanks to QuantumFruitPunch for pointing out my mistake in the rape/eat thing. I fixed it though, so don't worry!**


	3. Wormtail

**Disclaimer: If I wrote Harry Potter, Neville and Luna would've gotten together and had nine slightly insane and very clumsy babies.**

**Dedication: Everyone who feels Peter joined the dark side because everyone left him out of their fanfics... and because of the cookies. The cookies are definite plus.**

Remus Lupin looked down at the completed parchment in his hands.

Was there any point in passing it on? It's not like he had a dog anyway... unless you counted Sirius. Then Sirius would be terrorized by evil clowns. Oh, well, all the more reason to keep it.

A quick glance at the time told him it was time for Arithmancy.

With a sigh he stood up and headed down to the Great Hall.

A lonesome and slightly bored Peter Pettigrew wandered into his dormitory.

All his friends were in their various classes, classes he hadn't had the grades to take.

With a small sigh he plopped down on his bed and fell into deep thought.

He often felt intimidated by them, and even more often he felt left out. He tried not to let it get to him, though. He was grateful for their company and knew he would be next to nothing without them, though they would do fine without him hanging around.

A quick glance at an odd piece of parchment sitting on Remus' bed shook him out of his reverie.

He reached over to pick it up and his eyes swept swiftly down the page.

When he reached the note signed from Prongs at the end, he felt his stomach drop.

The parchment seemed empty.

He _had_ to fill it out, if not to save Prong's dog! (Or Remus', he wasn't quite sure who had filled it out last.)

**::Wormtail::**

**Hi, my name is:** Peter Pettigrew.

**But you can call me:** Peter... or Wormtail, but I'm not supposed to let anyone else call me that except for Sirius, Remus, and James.

**Never in my life have I: **There are a lot of things I haven't done, where do I start? Or, shall I say, which do I want to do most? I _would_ like to go to Egypt... although I heard it's not very healthy for rats such as myself. Oh, dear, I haven't given anything away have I/ YOU DIDN'T HEAR... READ ANYTHING.

**The one person who can drive me nuts is: **Ellie Bartlett. She stole my cheese last week. I haven't forgiven her yet.

**My school is: **Um... very large. I get lost a lot... whenever I don't have the Marauder's Map that is! Oh, no! Pretend you didn't see that.

**When I'm nervous: **I'm almost always nervous. I do have the tendency to squeak, though...

**The last song I listened to was: **A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love. Sirius was singing it. Such a beautiful voice... Um, I meant Celestina Warbeck, of course! Don't look at me like that you stupid parchment!

**If I were to get married right now it would be to: **I don't know... hmm, someone who knows how to cook. Anything cheesy is my favorite, but if it's good I'll eat it!

**My hair is: **It's kind of blonde... and short...

**When I was 4: **My mum forced me to go to this tea party, which wouldn't have been so terrible if she hadn't forced me into a pink, frilly dress and introduced me as her daughter, Pashmina. I shudder at the memory.

**Last Christmas: **Ellie Bartlett stole my cheese. It was just sitting there, innocently. I turn my back for one second... ONE SECOND. That was all it took. I despise you, Ellie Bartlett.

**I should be: **Studying Transfiguration. It's not exactly my strong point, you see, and because of the friends I have, McGonagall isn't too fond of me, either.

**When I look down I see: **My bed... wait... that's Remus' bed. Maybe I should move. I don't think he would appreciate me sitting on his bed. He won't let _anyone_ on his bed. He's just kind of anal that way.

**My happiest recent event was:** James turned Ellie Bartlett's hair green today. He's so wonderful.

**By this time next year: **My cheese sculpture of James and Sirius should be done! Um, you didn't just see that.

**My current gripe is: **... What's a gripe?

**I have a hard time understanding: **What Sirius means when he tells me I'm not the sharpest tooth in the Basilisk's mouth.

**If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: **I've won an award? Really? That's never happened before! ...Wait. It's hypothetical isn't it... bugger. I was excited there for a minute.

**I want to buy: **More cheese. For my cheese sculpture.

**Where do you plan to visit: **I'm going to France this summer... it's not Egypt, but it'll do. As long as my mother doesn't force me to be "Pashmina" again.

**If you spent the night at my house: **Please don't. You'd have to meet "Pashmina". My mother's always wanted a daughter, you see.

**The world could do without: **Ellie Bartlett and her cheese-thieving tendencies.

**Most recent thing I've bought myself: **I bought a picture of Sirius in his boxers from a stalkerish first year girl last week... what? What did I say?

**Most recent thing someone else bought me: **Sirius and James bought me Limburger! It was delicious, though for some reason, people avoided me like the plague the rest of that week...

**My middle name is: **I won't tell you, I won't! Fine, I will. It's Matilda. I told you my mum's always wanted a daughter...

**In the morning I: **Waited for the guys to leave before discreetly checked my cheese sculpture. Stealthy!

**Last night I was: **Being stealthy again by beginning to add detail to my lovely sculpture. I managed to finish James' nose!

**There's this guy I know who: **Carved a perfect resemblance of the Hogwarts castle out of sharp cheddar. Wait... that was me.

**If I was an animal I'd be a: **A lion or something. There are so many disadvantages to being a rat. Mrs. Norris, for one, creates a problem. Bugger. Don't read that.

**A better name for me would be: **Pashmina, Cheese Collector Extraordinaire. Um, I mean... Peter, Cheese Collector Extraordinaire.

**Tomorrow I am: **Checking up on Ellie Bartlett to see what color her hair is.

**Tonight I am: **Going to stealthily work on my sculpture. I'll be so stealthy, you'll mistake me for a ninja. I'm good at being stealthy. That's why my animagus is a rat! Oh, no... YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, I SWEAR.

**My birthday is: **February 27th.

**I got this survey from: **Moony's bed. I wonder if it last filled out this survey... hmm, what? It could happen.

_ATTENTION ANYONE WHO READS THIS PARCHMENT: YOUR DOG WILL GET EATEN BY A CLOWN AS YOU SLEEP IN YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS._

_Love, Prongs._

_**Don't worry, Prongs! I saved your dog!**_

_**Love, Wormtail.**_

**A/N: Before you attack me, Sirius is next. I just think Peter deserves a chance. I don't really like this one, but I promise to make it up to you with Sirius. Review and I'll bring you some of those lovely cookies from the dark side... they're exquisite. Flame poor Peter and I'll have Troy's cat shove you in the dryer. I'm sure he's still ticked off about being put through a drying cycle by Troy. Hey, at least he's still alive. Alive enough to take his anger out on _you_ if you flame Peter. :) He's not the bad guy (yet)!**


	4. Padfoot

**Disclaimer: Since when did JKR do silly things like making Marauders fill out silly surveys?**

**Dedication: Those of you who have been waiting since the beginning for this. Long live Padfoot!**

**Also, to Tonksy for coming up with the owning Snivelly's arse thing.**

"Padfoot!"

Sirius Orion Black tried to ignore the squeaky annoying voice coming from behind him...

"Padfoot!"

... But he wasn't having much luck.

"Padfoot!"

He clenched his fists and walked faster.

"Padfoot!"

By now he was considering changing his name.

"PADFOOT!"

"What do you_want_, Wormtail?" he nearly shouted.

Peter, or Wormtail, didn't seem to notice.

"Padfoot!"

Did the boy know any other words?

"You have to help!"

Sirius' interest was immediately sparked. Not that that was hard to do in the first place.

"What's up, Wormy?"

"My dog is in grave danger!"

A bit confused, Sirius nodded for him to continue.

"Look at the parchment! Look!"

A quick glance at the crumpled parchment in Peter's hand was enough to give him a near heart attack.

Sure, he may be a bit... exuberant at times and slightly more than a bit air-headed... but he wasn't _stupid_.

He knew Peter Pettigrew did _not_ have a dog.

But the little note Prongs scribbled on the parchment told no lies. Prongs would never lie to him.

The prophecy would come true.

He _had_ to fill out the survey... his life was at stake.

You see, Sirius Orion Black just _happened_ to be an animagus.

And his animagus form just _happened_ to be a dog.

If one were to put the pieces together... well, they might gather that Sirius or "Padfoot" could be considered Peter Pettigrew's dog.

He quickly snatched a quill of a poor, indignant first year's hand and began scribbling down his answers. For his sake.

**::Padfoot::**

**Hi, my name is:** Sirius Orion Black.

**But you can call me:** Sirius: Sex God of Uranus. Sirius: Super Sexy Marauder Extraordinaire. Sirius: Owner of Snivelly's Greasy Arse. You get my drift. _How about Sirius: King of Arse-y-ness?_Whoa, where did that come from? I'm hearing Moony voices in my head, help!

**Never in my life have I: **Tried on Snivelly's pants. I don't know why_ anyone_ would want to do that... but, hey, it could happen.

**The one person who can drive me nuts is: **Snivellus usually does a pretty good job. Always skulking and _sniveling_ around. He reminds me of a bat. A great skulking, sniveling, greasy bat.

**My school is: **My _kingdom._ All residents of Hogwarts shall bow and kiss the dirt I walk upon! BOW TO ME! I AM YOUR LEADER! Except for Prongs. Prongs is my special advisor. He's going to help me conquer the world some day. We. Will. Rule. Just you wait and see.

**When I'm nervous: **Pah. Sirius Black, nervous? You must be out of your mind.

**The last song I listened to was: **A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love! It's been stuck in my head all day. I have a tendency to sing when I have songs stuck in my head. People envy my lovely singing abilities.  
_Oh, come and stir my cauldron  
And if you do it right  
I'll boil you up some hot, strong love  
To keep you warm tonight  
_Oh, yes. I know you want some hot, strong Sirius lovin'.

**If I were to get married right now it would be to: **Hah. Sirius Orion Black does NOT get married. Sirius Orion Black will NEVER settle down. NEVER!

**My hair is: **Perfect. Absolutely _gorgeous_. You're jealous. You're jealous of _the_ Sirius Black hair.

**When I was 4: **I blew up my _dear_ mother. What fun memories. You should've seen the look on Reg's face.

**Last Christmas: **Last Christmas? I hope you know I don't remember a damned thing about last Christmas. It's called firewhiskey, love.

**I should be: **This, obviously! I'm saving my own life here!

**When I look down I see: **My feet. Standing there in the middle of the crowded corridor. Not that it matters. Sirius Orion Black moves for _no one_!!

**My happiest recent event was:** When Snivelly's potion "accidentally" exploded today. He's in the hospital wing covered in painful, blistering sores at the moment. Ah, good times.

**By this time next year: **I should have all of Scotland taken over. Hogwarts is just one small step to the rest of the world.

**My current gripe is: **A gripe? A gripe? Where's Moony when you need him? Will I get eaten if I don't know the answer to one of the questions?!

**I have a hard time understanding: **What the bloody hell a GRIPE is!

**If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: **Hah, one single person? Are you kidding me? I'd stand on the tables in the Great Hall and announce it to the WORLD! Or a

**I want to buy: **There are lots of things I want to buy. But I'm decent enough not to say them aloud on this particular piece of parchment. Nudge nudge wink wink.

**Where do you plan to visit: **I _was_ planning on going to Prongs' house. We'll plan our secret conquest of the world there.

**If you spent the night at my house: **You'd probably be scarred for life. Or at least lectured on the oh-so sacred values of my insane bloody-crazy family.

**The world could do without:** Slytherins. Especially greasy, skulking, sniveling ones.

**Most recent thing I've bought myself: **Didn't I already say I had enough decency not to list that here? Nudge nudge wink wink. Just kidding. I think the last thing I bought was a sugar quill.

**Most recent thing someone else bought me: **Honeydukes chocolates... I didn't eat them, though. I'm pretty sure they were spiked with love potion. First years are creepy.

**My middle name is: **Orion, isn't it obvious by now?

**In the morning I: **Sang with my beautiful voice A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love! Would you like me to demonstrate again? No? You don't know what you're missing...

**Last night I was: **Wouldn't _you_ like to know? Eh? Eh?

**There's this guy I know who: **Led a rendition of Celestina Warbeck's "You Charmed The Heart Right Out of Me" during breakfast in the Great Hall. Want to know who it was? It was _me._ You're _jealous._ Jealous, I tell you!

**If I was an animal I'd be a: **Anything but a dog. I don't fancy being eaten by a clown right now.

**A better name for me would be: **Sirius: Sex God of Uranus! Sirius: Super-Sexy Marauder Extraordinaire! Sirius: Owner of Snivelly's Greasy Arse! Wait... didn't we already go through this?

**Tomorrow I am: **Going to try to make amends with the Giant Squid. I don't think he's liked me too much ever since first year when I "accidentally" pushed Peter into the Black Lake.

**Tonight I am: **Going to be watching my windows. I have to make sure no clowns sneak in to eat me, see.

**My birthday is: **May 4th. It should be a national holiday! Sirius Black's Birthday Day! Parades! Filibuster's No-Heat Wet-Start fireworks! And, best of all, no classes!

**I got this survey from: **Wormy. I have to remember to thank him. He just about saved my life.

_ATTENTION ANYONE WHO READS THIS PARCHMENT: YOUR DOG WILL GET EATEN BY A CLOWN AS YOU SLEEP IN YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS._

_Love, Prongs._

_**Don't worry, Prongs! I saved your dog!**_

_**Love, Wormtail.**_

_**To all future readers: I would just like to point out that Peter Pettigrew is a**_**lifesaver**_**. Without him, I would be clown-chow by now. Many thanks to you, Wormy, my boy.**_

_**Love, Padfoot**_

**::Many, many years later::**

"Luna!"

Luna Lovegood tried to ignore the squeaky annoying voice coming from behind her...

"Luna!"

... But she wasn't having much luck.

"Luna!"

She clenched her fists and walked faster.

"Luna!"

By now she was considering changing her name.

"LUNA!"

Sighing in defeat, she stood and waited for her pink-haired friend.

"What _is_ it, Tonks?"

"You have to hurry!"

... And so the saga begins again.

**A/N: I hope I put Sirius to at least justice he deserves. Sorry about the end, I just couldn't help myself. I'm going to fill it out and post it to my profile. Feel free to pass it along and save my poor spastic ADHD dog from a terrible fate of being eaten by an evil clown. At least leave a review. Clowns are afraid of reviews; the more reviews I get, the less chance Casper will be consumed by a savage clown. Please, think of the dogs. Leave a review.**


	5. Luna

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a cup of oriental noodles!**

**A/N: What is THIS?! Is she actually continuing?! Yeah, I decided after many people demanding I continue that I finally would. Even though it's been... how many months now? Anyway, here it is. :)**

The dirty blonde girl stared at the paper in her hands with mild fascination.

Turning it upside down, she examined it more thoroughly.

_I guess it can't hurt... even if I don't _have_ a dog..._

**:Luna:**

**Hi, my name is:** Luna Lovegood.

**But you can call me:** I do prefer to be called by my name... though I am often called "Loony Lovegood".

**Never in my life have I: **Doubted the existence of a crumple-horned snorkack. My only wish is to see one for myself.

**The one person who can drive me nuts is: **I try not to let people bother me... but at times Hermione Granger really manages to get to me. How anyone can be so close-minded they fail to see what is directly in front of their faces is totally beyond me.

**My school is: **A wonderful place filled with all sorts of wondrous and fantastical creatures. The thestrals are my favorite.

**When I'm nervous: **I don't usually get nervous. But when I do, I tend to blame it on the wrackspurts. Bothersome little things they are.

**The last song I listened to was: **Amaranth. It's a very lovely muggle song.  
"_Caress the one, the Never Fading  
Rain in your heart, the tears of Snow White sorrow  
Caress the one, the hiding Amaranth  
In the land of the daybreak"_

**If I were to get married right now it would be to: **I do not wish to be married at the time. However, if _were_ to get married... it would probably be to Neville Longbottom, though I would never admit it anywhere but here.

**My hair is: **Long, dirty blonde, and messy. I simply don't have the time to care for it properly what with the nargles coming in at night and nesting all up in it.

**When I was 4: **I loved watching my mother work on her experiments. She was a very brilliant woman and I wish to see her again someday.

**Last Christmas: **I went about the corridors, checking every mistletoe for those bothersome little nargles.

**I should be: **Continuing my search for the crumple-horned snorkack... but this dusty parchment managed to catch my attention.

**When I look down I see: **Thousands of tiny wrackspurts fluttering around my feet. Well, as long as they don't make their way up to my head and cause fuzziness then they are fine where they are.

**My happiest recent event was:** Why, I found the traces of a crumple-horned snorkack! I do believe I am getting somewhere in my search.

**By this time next year: **I believe I will have caught a crumple-horned snorkack for my very own.

**My current gripe is: **The wrackspurts have been interfering with my concentration lately. I cannot afford this if I am to locate the crumple-horned snorkack.

**I have a hard time understanding: **The close-mindedness of some people.

**If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: **Maybe I would tell Neville.

**I want to buy: **My very own nargle banishing kit. I'm having trouble finding one, though. I do believe I'll ask my father to arrange one for me.

**Where do you plan to visit: **I plan to travel the world in search of the elusive crumple-horned snorkack, of course!

**If you spent the night at my house: **I would show you all of the proof I have gathered regarding the existence of many wondrous and fantastical creatures.

**The world could do without:** Those infernal, bothersome little nargles.

**Most recent thing I've bought myself: **Raspberry-lemonade cider at the Three Broomsticks. Not many people seem to like it... I do hope they keep making it.

**Most recent thing someone else bought me: **My father bought me a lovely wrackspurt-repellent kit. It's a shame; I seem to have misplaced it.

**My middle name is: **Artemis. My mother had a strong love for the moon.

**In the morning I: **Checked under my bed for any signs of nargles before getting dressed.

**Last night I was: **Checking Neville's hair for nargles. You never know where they may be hiding.

**There's this guy I know who: **Turned someone's ears into kumquats by reading runes upside down. It is why I now read everything upside down. There is much to be discovered simply by looking at something from a different perspective. Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure!

**If I was an animal I'd be a: **Thestral. Those are my favorites, you know.

**A better name for me would be: **I'm quite content with Luna. I also love the moon, you know.

**Tomorrow I am: **Continuing my search for the ever-elusive crumple-horned snorkack. I invited Neville to come along, so I may go with him.

**Tonight I am: **Checking all the beds in my room for nargle infestations.

**My birthday is: **October 18th.

**I got this survey from: **I found it all covered and dusty during my search for the crumple-horned snorkack.

_ATTENTION ANYONE WHO READS THIS PARCHMENT: YOUR DOG WILL GET EATEN BY A CLOWN AS YOU SLEEP IN YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS._

_Love, Prongs._

_**Don't worry, Prongs! I saved your dog!**_

_**Love, Wormtail.**_

_**To all future readers: I would just like to point out that Peter Pettigrew is a**_**lifesaver**_**. Without him, I would be clown-chow by now. Many thanks to you, Wormy, my boy.**_

_**Love, Padfoot**_

* * *

**A/N: HAH I'm continuing this!**

**Yes, I shamelessly based Luna's middle name off of Sailor Moon.**

**Yes, I shamelessly made Luna's birthday **_**my**_** birthday. But, but, but, but, but, buuuut, it makes sense. Libras have been proven to be "lunatics" as in "crazy under the moon."**

**My birthday's tomorrow; leave a review as a present!**

**Also, I'll let you guys pick who gets to be next. Be creative! Harry, Ron, and Hermione don't get to go until the end! (Don't want Harry reading this and getting all emo about his parents **_**yet,**_** do we?) Tell me who you would like to see filled out next in a REVIEW. :)**


End file.
